Tastes Like Chicken
by litlcapt
Summary: The story of five dishes that Daniel ate off-world that were the extreme, bizarre, and bordering on plain disgusting and one he refused because of pure irony.


Summary: Five things Daniel ate off-world that bordered on disgusting and one thing he refused because of sheer irony.

Note: This is the result of watching Bizarre Foods with Andrew Zimmern late at night

"Please be a traveler, not a tourist. Try new things, meet new people, and look beyond what's right in front of you. Those are the keys to understanding this amazing world we live in" –Andrew Zimmern, _Andrew Zimmern's Bizarre World of Food: Brains, Bugs, and Blood Sausage_

* * *

Tastes Like Chicken

Food was often the door into culture and communication. Including each region of America food was very unique for every individual culture. Spice in warmer and more tropical climates. Warm soups in the colder areas of the world. Some cultures ate with cutlery, some with chopsticks; some did away with any utensil all together. But no matter how different one way of eating was from another, no matter how different the practices were, a common bonding between cultures could often be found with food. Daniel had learned this both on and off world. Before even setting foot outside of Earth he had travelled the world. He had discovered food in other countries that Americans could only consider revolting. He loved them however, loved how he could assimilate into the people he studied by just eating one handful of something that was vile to another. Food opened his mind to more than just culture, often times it was a lifeline most in his country took for granted. All parts of an animal were taken for what they were, a resource where nothing went to waste. As was in many South and Central American cultures and those in the old ways of the Native Americans. Bugs were more than just mere pests but were held sacred in the food sources and practices. Vegetables and fruit became a holy outlet in a practice of worship. Plants and trees were more than just a means to retrieve vital food source but became far more to a persons health.

Daniel had found that an exchange of food could end an internal conflict of mistrust between two vastly different cultures. He had sat in the Middle East around a campfire with men who didn't entirely trust him due to his country of origin. In a passing of lamb and Pita a common bond had been formed and a friend for life was found. In Russia he had found common ground with a bowl of hot Borscht and a stiff, strong glass of traditional Russian vodka. He had shared in the tradition of a simple taco on a roadside stall in Mexico, learning from his guide the poor representation America had for the simple Mexican street food. Daniel had sat down at a table in a modest house in the Navajo Nation to share in a traditional meal of frybread and mutton. He remembers growing up in Egypt and going with all the local kids he went to school with to the stand on the corner for a good plate of falafel. So different from the American traditional chocolate bar and bag of chips as an after school snack but for him it was a normal.

Traditional values stated that some of the things Daniel had eaten over the years were abnormal, a backwards cultural practice in need of reform. To him it was yet another opportunity to learn about life outside the bubble so many had been living under. Every culture was different and while some considered religion as being the one thing to either unite or separate people Daniel still believed food had a bigger impact than any other aspect could have. Food divided those too ignorant and naïve to try in another way of life yet united those by finding a common like or dislike. He had made friends from former enemies over a plate at dinner, had determined enemies from previous friends by looking across the table while sharing wine. It was this belief that he had taken off world with him to make him the explorer he was today. Jack had often laughed at him, developed a name that had now spread across the SGC. He was always known as Daniel "Iron-Stomach" Jackson, the one and only at the SGC who could eat just about anything. On many levels the nickname rang true but there was still that one and only dish he refused to touch with a ten-foot pole. One most memorable still stood out as the charred symbiote head offered up by Chaka in a means of communication. No, Daniel refused to stoop down to that level especially when he believed he was to become the evening meal. True to form he had offered up a symbol of his own culture and from then on out had formed a lasting friendship with a primitive culture most still considered dangerous and misunderstood. Off-world had become much like his cultural first contacts around the globe. The most primitive to the most advanced could often times find common ground around the table, whether that table was on a pallet on the cold ground or an elaborate table in a great hall or temple it remained the same. He had bonded with his father in law using this method of sharing food, had determined the Eurondan's ulterior motive for their request for aide, Jack had the unfortunate luck of aging before their eyes after sharing the local dish in ceremony, and Daniel had been able to teach his brother in law the finer points of Tau'ri tradition of a juvenile delinquent through the culinary culture of the people. Thinking over his first contacts and off-world adventures five odd and borderline repulsive plates of food came to mind. All five he had managed to eat in defiance for the rest of his team but there still remained that one final sixth dish that he outright refused.

**1. There's a Rat in the Kitchen **

SG-1 during their first year travelled to a planet where the people closely resembled the culture of the Americas in the eighteenth century. The chief elder of the village, after Jack used his own brand of first contact, had agreed that SG-1 would be honored for their pledge against the Goa'uld. They were treated like royalty as all four sat side by side with the village elders, shaman, and several people of the village. There they sat eating a gamey piece of meat together with a mystery vegetable that had close consistency to rotten cabbage. Said mystery meat, in Daniel's honest opinion, was by far not the best thing he tasted but he ate it with respect despite the rest of his team's hesitance. Finally Daniel had used his communication skills to get down to the bottom of the mystery meat. Daniel still remembers the look on Jack and Sam's faces when the chief stepped away to return with a large stick. On the end was the off-world version of a giant rat complete with two-buck teeth and beady eyes staring back at them. With only a moment of shock Daniel dug back into his food moving passed the obvious awkward story of the origins of the meat. It was all he could do to affirm negotiations after Jack, Sam, and oddly enough Teal'c (who had offered up some of his own Chulak traditional dishes after securing his position on Earth) had slowly retreated from the eating area to a secluded place behind the tent. Daniel couldn't help but smile after the sound of gagging from his two human counterparts reached his ears.

**2. Great Balls of Fire **

Once again SG-1 had saved the day at the eleventh hour. After saving a village from invasion by the Goa'uld they were treated to celebration. Again they sat on the ground amongst the villagers exchanging stories and passing the evening meal. Rice, vegetables, and meats were passed around on palm leaves. To Daniel it was reminiscent of what his friend from university had told him from his one trip to Thailand when his archeological group visited a small village nearby the dig. The culture was very similar to the modest village and the food so familiar that for a moment Daniel had to remember he was on another planet. Then again it just marked yet another occasion that told of the blatant similarities and the bridging of the gap between Tau'ri and off-world culture. It was just another indication of his earlier research of humans from Earth brought in Ancient times through the Stargate, because all in all they were all ancestors in some way or another.

The food was beyond anything SG-1 had the pleasure of enjoying. Usually the food was questionable at best when dining with the local people and often times Jack ordered mandatory MRE's all around when the question of food poisoning arose. But here they finally had the opportunity of eating with the people and savoring something close to the cuisine of a culture from home. After several portions of rice and the stir-fried meat the matriarch (and lead cook) brought out steaming bowls of soup. The broth was brown, clear and pure, and the smell was tantalizing. It reminded Daniel of the Pho he often ordered at the local Vietnamese restaurant in Colorado Springs. In the broth was an assortment of vegetables and three, what appeared to be, meatballs or something vegetarian in substitution. All four of them dived in without reluctance and they had little reason not to. It was one of the best soups Daniel had tasted, the broth so rich in the local spices with the right amount of heat and cooked to perfection. He and the rest of his team had broken off a piece of the ball and nodded their approval. It was a taste he was unfamiliar with yet it did remind him of something else. Finally Jack had the nerve to ask with Daniel's assistance with the language barrier. The matriarch nodded vigorously with a broad smile, thankfully she understood Daniel's reworded question. After a moment of collecting her thoughts and finding the correct English translation she responded 'glands'. Jack had cocked his head, Sam's eyes went wide, Daniel pondered over it a moment, and Teal'c cocked an eyebrow. Then Jack had asked again, with Daniel's help, and the matriarch nodded her head. Thinking over it in more detail she finally repeated 'testicle from cow' and received the much-expected result. Jack's spoon dropped with a clang as Sam slowly lowered her own to the table. Teal'c looked downward to conserve his pride but Daniel, the archeologist only responded with a quick shrug before continuing on savoring his soup. He spent the remainder of the meal in silence with Jack's eyes boring directly on him, the colonel's expression narrow eyed and resonating just a hint of betrayal.

He had asked Daniel later when back on Earth the point of his eating the disgraceful soup, asked how a man could actually savor testicles and support the castration of a bovine. Daniel had calmly explained that they had similar on Earth cleverly named Rocky Mountain Oysters or in some parts of the country calf fries. Jack didn't see the logic and for the next few weeks couldn't look at soup the same again. Daniel just replied in his own special way, not ruffled in the slightest by Jack's harsh commentary, by singing the only song that came to mind. The halls of the SGC were lit up by the archeologist's voice, not heard since the Urgo incident, with the upbeat lyrics of 'goodness gracious great balls of fire'.

**3. Gastrointestinal Adventure **

SG-1 once took part in a celebration to commemorate trade and peace agreements between Earth and a planet with the designation M5A-127. The culture was very similar to that of India on Earth with a few mixed in differences derived from previous Goa'uld presence. For once they were on a planet where the local people believed the Goa'uld to be false gods from the beginning and had renounced their way following a bloody civil war to rid themselves of the enemy. Seeing that they shared a common goal and promise of fighting and ridding the universe of the Goa'uld Earth and the people of M5A-127 became fast allies. A part of this alliance was a meal shared in honor of completing the negotiations and while it was not mandatory to eat every single dish placed on the table Daniel still felt obligated to do so. So when they brought out a bowl of steaming red liquid with some kind of meat and vegetables mixed in he was more than eager to try it. Daniel had, for many years, been very fond of Indian cuisine most specifically curry. It was little known by his teammates that he enjoyed a good spicy dish from time to time and from his time on Abydos had developed the taste for eccentric and often times potent spices. Jack and Sam opted out after just a whiff of the spicy steam, Teal'c had cautiously spooned a small amount into his mouth before making a face and surrendering his spoon. Daniel, on the other hand, had decided to take a stand and make a bold attempt of sharing in the tradition.

He had been prepared with a piece of bland flatbread in his free hand and had the traditional cool drink they served with the meal in the other but he had not been prepared for the fire that he was to ingest. Being bold, as was his usual practice when it came to the cultural exchange of food, he spooned a large portion of the thick fire engine red broth into his mouth and was not prepared for the consequences. He couldn't say his team didn't warn him but he wanted to experience the culture they had just struck a new alliance with through their local food. Daniel remembers very well the minute the broth had hit his tongue. He had come to regret his bold decision right down to the three other bites he had due to his numb taste buds. Jack had later told him that he wished to have a camera after Daniel's face had turned a brilliant shade of red. Daniel also swore he could feel the steam bursting from his ears and nose in some parody of an old cartoon. If there were death by spicy curry Daniel would have surely been in the obituaries at the SGC the following day.

The elder thankfully understood his sudden hesitation for any other item of food passed around the table and had kindly supplied him with a bland meal for the remainder of the evening along with the drink Daniel considered an off-world version of a Lassi. It wasn't until after the meal that the true effects of the potent spices made their full appearance. Daniel swore he could hear Jack's cackling after he spent a good majority of the night sitting in the latrine. He then spent another day recovering in the SGC infirmary with a few words from Janet about the finer points of food poisoning and a new affection with the porcelain goddess. It took a good two months before Daniel could develop the courage to even try a Mexican burrito and when General Hammond had requested that Texas chili be on the menu in the commissary Daniel promptly ran away to the local pizza joint. Now Daniel was fine with agreeing with Jack's words on the whole ordeal, M5A-127 was truly a gastrointestinal adventure.

**4. A Rare Treat**

Daniel found there were few missions away from his team that he was proud enough to gloat at. When he was with SG-11 he often times found himself injured and running for his life, or as was on P3X-888 dragged across the wilderness by a juvenile Unas. But there was one that he found himself given a rare treat indeed. While on negotiations with SG-9 with a people with known ties to Naquadah deposits that were willing to share technology that could potentially be used in their joint fight against the Goa'uld Daniel and the other members of SG-9 were treated to a feast of sorts. While many times the food was often questionable and MRE's were consumed instead the jury was ruled the minute the massive trays of food were put on the table. Wild boar, a vast array of ripened fruits, colorful vegetables, and all the spirits and wine one could consume were placed before their hands. For Daniel he went to sleep that night with a full stomach, a massive sugar high from the finely crafted pastries and cakes, and a pleasant buzz from the wine and locally brewed vodka. It was one mission he had left for home feeling oddly satisfied and bragged to his team after learning that on their own mission they had the wonderful experience of eating bugs. While the other three members of SG-1 were in the infirmary from various injuries and insect bites Daniel escaped to his own personal quarters to finish what he started on the cake he was given as a gift. A mission designed to ease him back into the work of an SG team member following his year-long absence in Oma Land he found a new meaning in his return, yes it was great to be descended.

**5. Greasy Grimy Gopher Guts**

It was shortly after the incident with Sarah Gardner in Egypt and General Hammond had decreed that an easy mission away from the fighting and near-death experiences might be just the welcome distraction Daniel needed. He couldn't agree more considering his head was still recovering from his close encounter with a Ribbon device. They were to tie up a peace agreement with two neighboring tribes after a little civil war broke out following SG-13's initial exploration mission. The people were friendly enough but some of their cultural practices left all of SG-1 with wide eyes. Between the elder's gaged ears and the elaborate paint and considerably under clothed body of the elder's wife SG-1 certainly feared what was to come next.

Sitting down for the evening meal Daniel was ill prepared for what was to happen. General Hammond had warned them that SG-13 did note in their last briefing that this meal was to determine whether or not the two tribes stopped fighting. Seeing how Earth had caused the initial trouble to begin with Hammond was eager to maintain peace and secure an agreement seeing how Sam had found a considerable deposit of Naquadah. Unfortunately some of their eating practices were barbaric if not absolutely disgusting. So gathering around on the cloth covered ground that served as the seating arrangement Daniel and the rest of SG-1 gathered their wits for the meal. The first dish of fruits and vegetables set well except for the one warning from Teal'c that the bright purple fruit had a habit of causing hallucinations in humans. So it was unto the second course where Jack finally threw in his towel, or fork in this case. What was placed on the table was enough to turn even Teal'c's stomach.

Four wooden plates were placed before each of them along with a center dish that contained the main course. The servant had served each member of SG-1 with a too generous portion. The smell was enough to make them gag, beckoning bile to Daniel's throat. It was a cross between rotten eggs and sewage and it permeated the entire table. If the smell was repulsive it didn't compare to the sight of the dozen or so wiggling tentacle-like creatures. At the time Daniel didn't know whether they were from the body of water close to the village or were some kind of native bug but never the less they were revolting. Sam had gagged bordering on the edge of losing her first course on the table, Jack had made a sort of growl before casually lowering his head in his hands with a sigh, and Teal'c….Even Teal'c had a reaction as he did that eyebrow thing he did and cocked his head slightly. As for Daniel he was helpless, opposed to the rest of his team he had experience with live food from a Korean restaurant in LA. A controversial dish named Sannakji Daniel had encountered while out with a few classmates after a trying test. He had bravely tried a tentacle at the time however he was drunk after two glasses of beer. But even being drunk the food came from a trusted restaurant of Earth and the smell didn't cause the bile that rose in his throat right now.

Daniel wanted nothing more than to toss the plate of food on the floor or perhaps return the creatures to their rightful home in the lake. It was one thing to eat sushi; it was another eating slimy wormlike creature tentacles that still moved. Jack had enough when one of the tentacles began doing its own march across the table before being pinned to the wood by the elder's utensil. Unfortunately for SG-1 the elder was insistent that they share in the feast and had threatened detainment and breaking the fragile peace agreement if they did anything less. So it was left to Daniel to smooth things over by ingesting at least a few spoonfuls of the wiggly things to complete the negotiations. It was left solely to him after, unknowingly to both Daniel and the elder after he turned a way for a moment; Jack, Sam, and Teal'c had dumped their portion onto Daniel's already full plate. He was "iron-clad stomach" Jackson, he could eat anything living or dead or so it would seem. So preserving his dignity and the dignity of Earth he had scooped a healthy portion on his spoon trying to ignore the one or two tentacles that squirmed back onto the plate. Daniel had taken a deep breath, counting mentally to ten, before the spoon went into his mouth. Until this day, descension-induced amnesia not withstanding, he could still taste the vile sewage note on his tongue. And what happened next was only a miracle he didn't loose his dignity right then and there. He had once again taken one for the team and oh did he deserve praise for his valiant courage. The way they wiggled and squirmed all the way down his throat was enough to make Daniel cringe even now. Never in his life had he eaten something so clingy, slimy, and generally repulsive. It's called comfort when one could feel the food still moving as he ate. Thankfully he had kept his cool up until the moment when they reached the Stargate, where he lost the (thankfully) now dead tentacles and the rest of his meal on the dais. He never forgot that 'special' first contact through the culture of food nor would he forget how his team left him to the wolves. But at least when they came home Hammond was impressed that SG-1 was able to once again do what other teams could not. Crisis averted, Earth's dignity preserved, and a civil war ended Daniel called it a day but he would never forget. He put a whole new meaning to the words on the old children's song, long live the greasy grimy gopher guts.

And the thing he refused to eat….

**1. That's Just Not Right….**

There were times Daniel had felt they were in a movie, maybe being filmed behind their backs or possibly just another scary experience with the Quantum Mirror. He swore the Powers That Be had a sick sense of humor after the Goa'uld asteroid had been on a collision course for Earth. Even more so he felt half of his job was another parody of a new Indiana Jones movie. It was real life to them, or as real as it could be masked to the outside world. After seven years Daniel thought he saw it all until SG-1 had travelled to secure trade on P6C-094. It was a modest planet, or so it would seem, up until they reached the temple. Something akin to a capital of a dynasty in Asia it was magnificent. The culture, while not quite as advanced as the Nox but still ahead of Earth, still lived by the old ways of tradition. From what Daniel knew at the time the traditions were a mix of several Indian and Southeast Asian cultures.

It had been his first official mission after regaining his off-world legs upon his return from the Ascended. The first didn't count since it had led to Teal'c's injury and a rescue mission a while later. No this was the first negotiating mission since his last over a year earlier. It had gone on without hitches, the people had agreed on trade to fight a common enemy in Anubis. The leader, or the Minister as he wanted to be called, had dictated that a meal would be conducted in their honor and in sealing the agreement. Like before Daniel couldn't agree more, food and culture always went hand in hand with creating a sense of balance and a common bond. The dinner itself was like any five star restaurants on Earth complete with golden plates and the finest wine the Minister had to offer. SG-1 had been pleasantly drunk by the end of the meal or quickly becoming that way save for Teal'c who rather not partake in consuming alcoholic beverages. The main course had been delicious, an animal meat that was a cross between pork and lamb. An animal that, after a few glasses of the strong wine, Jack had dubbed a lamb-pig or in his slurred words a 'lampig'. They had just indulged in a plate of ripe fruit and what Daniel could only describe as their version of cheese when the regal announced that yet another dish would be served in their honor. Eager for any food Jack boldly agreed.

Daniel had been expecting a decadent dessert, hell they all were, but what they got was something far different. What the servants had placed before them would haunt Daniel's memory forever. Two of the Minister's servants had presented each of them with a silver platter complete with a dome cover. The smell given off was the complete opposite of their expectations. Proud of his tradition the Minister wanted the honor to lift the cloche off Jack's, or the most senior member of their group, dish while the two servants' and the Minister's assistant lifted the coverings from Sam, Daniel, and Teal'c's own plates. What had greeted them had left all four speechless, the mere idea of what faced them more of a nightmare than an actual reality. What stared back at them were the lifeless eyes of their native off-world species of small primate. What had irked Daniel more was the fact that the top of the skull was strategically absent revealing the pink, elaborate tissue of the brain.

Jack had just about hit the roof at the sight, Sam coming very close to following him. Teal'c just stared into the dead eyes of the monkey inspecting his dish and examining the purpose of such an obscene cultural practice. As for Daniel, he was appalled. Of all the things the Powers had dealt him this would be what greeted him on his first official mission of negotiation. But it wasn't the thought of eating brain that had Daniel tensed up in his seat, a biting sarcastic remark ready on his lips. No, it wasn't that at all, he had in fact eaten brains on several other occasions both on and off world. No, it was the irony of it all that led to this dish being one of the very few that Daniel refused to try cultural exchange or not. It was simply a parody of his life that he, an archeologist, was going to reenact a scene from a movie he often examined and criticized. He hated the mere thought that all of the SGC's personnel most unoriginal nickname, Indiana Jackson, was about to come true. That all those off colored comments about the necessity of carrying a bullwhip in lieu of a 9mm could actually have meaning. No, he refused to give into pop culture and the rules of irony and karma's cruel joke. So he gladly refused making up an unusual (at least for him) excuse about how eating food that stared back at him was a direct offense against rules in his own cultural practices. Thankfully his quick wit had saved not only him but also the rest of his team from having to go through the motions of reenacting a movie scene. In the end Sam was wide-eyed without the expression of the typical fainting damsel (thankfully) and if Daniel hadn't known better he would say that Jack almost did a spot on impression of Shortround. Teal'c had been left confused, later coming to Daniel for explanation why a scene from a previously watched movie among SG-1 had leant itself to off-world culture. He tried to reassure himself later that it was just another quirk in the culture but Daniel could hardly get passed the ironic karma of it all. Just another Hollywood idea that seemed to take on a more real life meaning to SG-1 but Daniel would never forget. Since then he could never fully look at _The Temple of Doom_ the same again, it became more of a _been there done that _kind of image. He'd rather take Jack's words upon seeing the open skull to explain the ironic thoughts in his mind, _that's just not right. _

Daniel's defining moments of cultural development and connecting with people who had little expectation of understanding him came through the introduction of food. He had good dishes and bad, weird and some that mirrored common foods on Earth. Then he had others that went so far out of left field they became legends among those at the SGC including what was now known as 'the great Temple of Doom monkey brain adventure'. A mouthful of words but all the necessary description that suited the mission well. People often wondered how and why he was able to return to Earth without food poisoning on most days, to tell the truth not even he knew the answer. But that was beyond the point of Daniel's experimentation with food. Through various cuisine he was able to experience more than just a cultural aspect, often times on their first contacts Daniel was allowed a chance to make a connection anthropologists dreamed about. Because in reality as they went to planet after planet he learned one vital concept, they weren't too different from the countries around the world. But contrary to the belief that he was acting solely as SG-1's cultural advisor and diplomat by braving some of the most fascinating yet terrifying food the universe had to offer people still questioned how he managed. Sam had already known the answer, well at least hinted on it, way back on one of their first missions. Teal'c, Daniel knew, was also curious but his Jaffa friend had kept his questions to himself knowing very well that despite the physical prowess of other members of the team Daniel always trumped them on the strength of his stomach. For Jack the question still remained so one day he had come up to Daniel for an answer. Daniel had looked him in the eye and with the sincerity he was known for answered simply as he had numerous times before, _it tastes like chicken_.

* * *

Disclaimer: Once again I own nothing, the content and its characters are the sole property of the producers, writers, and directors. Bizarre Foods also belongs to the Travel Channel and Andrew Zimmern and its respective producers.

Authors note: The food in these stories are based off of real dishes that have been featured on shows such as Anthony Bourdain and Bizarre Foods. There is such a dish that I saw on No Reservations of the raw and alive octopus tentacles at a restaurant in NYC. There is also a curry dish dubbed the hottest curry, also in New York, that 'gastrointestinal adventure' is based off of. And yes there are some cultures that devour monkey brains, if they actually do so like in the movie I have no idea and truthfully do not wish to find out. No characters were harmed in writing this fiction.


End file.
